When the Unsettling Feeling of a "new season" takes over and stops you from stepping into the season God has for you
Part one: Written in August of 2022
You open up your social media account in August and you see all the back-to-school shoppers showing you all their amazing deals! A few weeks go by then ALL the back-to-school pictures come rolling in. The hot topic when chatting with people is... when are your kids going back to school? What sports are our children trying out for? What instrument is your child going to learn? So many questions, that honestly I have no desire to answer. I have always loved change, all kinds! But most recently I have found myself fearful in the unknown of this coming year. The unknown of will it finally click for one of my children to start reading? The unknown of children getting older and having activities. The unknown of whether we will be too busy or will our calendar look too full. The unknown of relationships. Because with season changes so do the relationships and their dynamics of them.
I’m not thinking of all the “what if’s” I’m more concerned about the unknowns. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I can’t be the teacher that my kids need me to be. I can’t be the friend that I know I want to be. I've been falling as a mom and wife in so many ways. Giving the best to the people outside my home and not giving my freshest and best to the people inside my home. I’ve been praying that God would turn my heart to the Home, so I can nurture the hearts of my family and point them to Jesus.
One key thing that I am forgetting is that I have to fully surrender them to Jesus before I can point them to Jesus.
I have been so busy trying to manage all the different seasons of our lives over the past year I had forgotten that I need to surrender my family to the author who wrote all of our stories. I have been so busy, fearful of messing up, and worried I’m not a qualified teacher for the children God has given me. That I have unconsciously picked up my family and tried to do things my way instead of God's way and yielding to His will.
In trying to do it all on my own I was burnt out really fast. God doesn’t call us to come to him when we have it all figured out, no... quite the opposite. Read this with me, let it sink in deep…
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28-30 MSG
Unforced rhythms of grace. Doesn’t that just sound inviting? I know it does for me! In today’s culture being busy is normal. You have to be vigilant in what you say yes to. What and who do you choose to invest in. Me, I absolutely dislike the word busy. So I very rarely use it but as I was sitting down with my husband over the past few weeks multiple times talking about what the fall season is going to look like. With activities, church events starting up, homeschooling, and co-ops. Even though we just said “yes” to a few things there’s still a lot on our schedule. I thought I was being vigilant, only saying YES to the things that I felt called to in this season. If that was the case then why in the world was I feeling majorly overwhelmed when looking at all the upcoming “good things” on the calendar?
God has brought these verses to my attention many times over the past year. It seems to come up every season. If I was sitting and talking with HIM right now here is how I would respond, “Yes lord I’m tired. Yes, I’m worn out, burnt out on everything I think I should do. I just wanna run to you I want to get away with you and get away from all of my responsibilities and obligations. The things that I think I should be doing to further your kingdom, losing sight of your eyes, I’m making idols out of the good things that have taken over.
Show me how to take a real rest, show me how to walk with you step-by-step. So that I can live a life dependent on you! teach me your ways, Lord(Cue the ugly crying).
I want to go into the secret place daily to know more about you, and to get to know you on a deeper level. To replace your truth with the lies in my head. I want to keep company with you so that I can learn to live freely and lightly.
Simple. Ordinary. Not rushed. These things are life-giving to me. I thrive in the simplicity of the ordinary, not being rushed to do the next thing.
So I will start there, each day grounding myself in the word, in the quiet, journaling everyday “I surrender my family to you lord”. It begins with the first step, trusting Him then taking the next step out of faith.
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