I find joy and comfort in knowing that God doesn’t “waste” a storm that we go through! Two years have passed since I was sitting in this hospital room with my 4-year-old little boy. I have blocked this time out of my head and heart for many reasons. Recently I have felt the nudges from the Holy Spirit saying, “ It's time to peel back the layers of this event, to bring healing and give God the true glory he deserves.” So here I am being obedient to the Holy Spirit’s leading.
How do I write a backstory Of three amazing crazy seasons in my life? How do I crunch them into a few paragraphs? Holy Spirit help me! I was that person who always disliked going to the hospital. I’m not sure where it stems from? It’s kind of funny now that I look back. All of my children came into this world just at the right time. God had a plan and a purpose for each one of them. My oldest was born at 26 weeks and spent almost 3 months in the NICU in San Diego. He made his grand entrance on the last day of our vacation before heading home to Omaha. My vacation was extended in sunny California. I spent all my days in the hospital NICU. I was outside of my comfort zone but that’s where I did the most growth! I made sweet friendships with the nurses, doctors, and hospital staff that I will always hold dear. It changed my outlook on medical professionals and hospitals. Hospitals are filled with real people. I looked for opportunities to bless those around me. Only after wrestling with God to send us home where we “belong”, Little did I know God‘s plans were bigger than mine and this was the start of my oldest child’s testimony. Then when we found out I was expecting a few years later we did everything medically possible to keep that little baby inside of me longer. And it helped a little. He made a grand entrance after New Year’s Day. January 2! I was frustrated and confused. I remain thankful that we were close to home. But looking back on it I didn’t look for opportunities to be used by God. I was so hung up on “why me again?” Instead of asking “who do you want me to plant a seed in today?” I didn’t make room for the Holy Spirit to work and move through me. I was having a pity party for myself, not willing to look up and see who he wanted me to pour courage into. Plant a seed. Now I was not outgoing but when I found out I was expecting our third child it was a complete surprise. Friends, people think my younger two are twins when we go out, ha! Before my youngest was born we moved into a bigger house. New home, New neighborhood, new neighbors. New start! We wanted to start to get into the community with our neighbors and friends. God was stirring up a desire for community and a heart of hospitality in me. We were only in the new house a few months before Miss Libby graced us with her presence at 29 weeks! She spent the next nine weeks in the NICU!
Hey friend, can you guess what I did during those nine weeks?
Yes! You’re right!!!
Oh, I came alive! I actively looked for opportunities to plant seeds, encourage, and bless others around me! Other NICU moms, nurses, doctors, receptionists, and cleaning people! Anyone and everyone! I was not going to let a single opportunity pass me by.
Was it out of my comfort zone? Heck yes, it was!
Did it grow me heck yes it did!
I did a lot of growing while my little 3-pound baby was growing as well.
I was able to pray for, speak life into, and step out of my comfort zone. All because I looked for opportunities to pour courage into others around me even in my hard season. To this day when I think back on all those experiences, I see growth, change, and courage. Friends, I don’t know what your story is but I do know that you have been through experiences that mark you for life. Did you choose to lean in and learn or did you block it out of your memory? The story I’m about to share with you has been very close to my heart over the last few weeks of writing it down and then re-writing it down. The story I tried to block out and stuff deep down. Until now. I’ve been feeling the nudges from the Holy Spirit for the past few months now I kept hearing,” write it out, write it down. “
Mark it!
Remember it!
Let God’s faithfulness shine through the words on the page.
Holy Spirit right now opens the hearts of all those who read this story and help them come alive!
My husband was home from work because of a recent surgery that had him in bed recovering. I had already made a commitment to watch my two nieces. What to do? I wish I could tell you that I said no to the commitment I made and just focused my time and energy on my sick little and his two siblings (2 & a 6th-month-old). Nope. I got my oldest, Peyton, all set up in our guest room. He mostly wanted to sleep so I figured I would still be able to watch my nieces for the hour.
Let me just pause for a second...The Anna I was two years ago is not the same Anna I am today. Praise the Lord for that! I didn't like to ask for help but I LOVED to offer help to anyone who needed it! I love serving, that part hasn’t changed. But the asking for help has changed, I am a work in progress!
So I didn’t ask for help. I offered it. After my sister and nieces left the house I went up to check on Peyton, only to find him burning up. Still trying to figure out this motherhood thing I thought, hey I’ll put him in the bath to try and bring his temperature down. This kid was thrilled! He loved bathtime! I tested the water to make sure it was good, and I got him in the tub. He was pretending to be a scuba diver and lying flat and swimming in the tub! I then heard the dogs barking and had to run out (because I didn’t ask for help) and let them inside, but they were all muddy, so I had to clean them up before bringing them inside. I was away from Peyton for less than five minutes. I walked back up the stairs, only to find
I then laid his body on the tile floor. I started performing CPR on him (Holy Spirit help). I got no response. I then laid my hands on his chest with tears rolling off my face I cried out, “God breath your breath of life back into his lungs!” Immediately he started coughing up water! Seconds later the EMTs arrived and I told them what I did. They got him all hooked up and into the ambulance. Following behind them as they carried him out on the stretcher my neighbor walked over and offered to watch the kids. When she saw the firetruck and ambulance outside the house, she rushed over to help out. We serve a God who works out all the little details!
In the ambulance, I was answering all their questions. My head was spinning. I gave our anniversary date instead of Peyton’s birthday date. Peyton was not responding. They asked him who I was, or where he was at, or his name. No response. The same question kept coming up over and over again, “How long was he under?” Every time I gave the same answer, I was away from him for at least five minutes. Shame and guilt seemed to pile on me every time I had to answer that question. Friends, I don’t know if it was longer than that. Shame and guilt have a way of dog piling on us when we are down.
They rushed us into the first available ER room and I was confronted with having to go over the story yet again. Every time I told it to another doctor or nurse I felt guilt, shame, piling on top of me like a heavy burden. I looked out into the hallway only to see that there was a police officer waiting to talk to me. Fear jumped onto the dogpile too! I then saw my husband walking down the hallway, he was able to give all the info needed to the police officer so that I wouldn’t have to go over the story yet again. I was so thankful!
I looked at my son who was still burning up with a fever, answering the questions that the medical professionals had before they left the room. I then grabbed my son’s hand, looked up at the clock realizing it was 2 o’clock on the dot. Then I noticed my hand started shaking, my son was having a seizure. He had it for eight minutes. This was the longest eight minutes of my life thus far!
Not a doctor or nurse in sight at that time, so my husband opened the door and screamed, ”Can we get a little help in here, our son is having a seizure!“
As soon as my husband cried out for help, floods of medical staff came in and started asking more questions, and then asked us to leave the room! As my husband was trying to comfort me I took out all my frustrations and anger on him. Even now, as I am typing this out I am vividly picturing me pushing him away, as he tried to comfort me. It makes me wonder how many times have I tried to push the Holy Spirit away when all he wants to do is comfort me in the storms of life?
Peeling back the layers. I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit is gentle in his responses.
The medical staff finally let us in to see him and they had no explanation as to why he had the seizure, or why it was so long. They were going to get x-rays, MRIs, EKG’s and all the other acronyms that I don’t remember set up before moving him to PICU. We had about an hour and we were told that we could go get some food or go stretch our legs, none of these things sounded like something that I wanted to do. Like I told you earlier I had a six-month-old baby that I was nursing, so I asked if there was any way I could borrow a pump from the hospital so I could provide milk for my baby. In the storms of life, we still have to do the necessities and mundane tasks.
They took Peyton and ran the tests, and we met him up on the PICU floor. My husband was getting some food or talking to a family member in the waiting room… that part is unclear to me. Or maybe he went home, yeah I think he went home. I went up to put my stuff in the new room and the medical staff was asking a few more questions before Peyton got to the room. In those moments I could feel my reality start to sink in. The lies of the enemy were hitting me hard and I was being squashed by guilt, shame, and fear.
Peyton was wheeled into the room and it felt like a zoo. I was trying to get some questions figured out. Then I saw one nurse masking up and then I saw multiple nurses putting masks, gowns, and gloves on like there was a pandemic... kind of ironic now that I’m writing this now that it is normal, but it was alarming for me. To be honest, I was frightened, no one was telling me what was going on and why everyone was masking up and gowning up and there was a lot of confusion in the room. I was exhausted and confused.
I never got a clear answer on what he had that made them need to have extra protection on them. But at that moment it was terrifying!
Then I got a call saying that there were people wanting to see me in the waiting room. It was my very dear friend Bonnie and her husband. She drove all the way to the hospital to tell me that she was praying for Peyton, and for us. Even though she didn’t understand what was going on, even though she could’ve just sent it in a text, there’s something about wrapping your arms around someone and telling them that you’re covering them in prayers! It’s the little things in our storms that remind us we are not alone! At that moment I shook off shame, fear, and guilt in the name of Jesus!
That friend filled me with courage, just enough to head back into the room and get the news no mother wants to hear. “Possible brain damage. It might get worse before it gets better,” the doctor said. Peyton still wasn’t verbal. There were so many unknowns. How long his brain was without oxygen, how long he was under the water, why he had the 8-minute seizure. So we pray and wait to see what tomorrow brings.
My sister-in-law then showed up and she was just gonna stay in the waiting room. But I looked at Peyton and I told him that Aunt Jen was outside, he then responded with, “see Jenni.” I went out and told her that he was asking to see her. She masked up then came in and saw him, and talked with him for a few moments. I remember telling her in the waiting room that I don’t know why we go through these things all I know is that Peyton is going to have one powerful testimony!
I returned to Peyton’s room to find him awake, he was finally asking for me. He only said one word, “Mommy.”
Yes, Lord!
Thank you for this encouragement.
One simple word filled me with hope for tomorrow. It filled me with courage that God can and would do a miracle in Peyton's life.
I still remember I couldn’t find the words to say on Facebook. I couldn’t find the words to say over text messages. I could only cry out to God. I wasn’t gonna lose hope!
As I pumped in the rocking chair, also my “bed”, I prayed that God would do a miracle in Peyton’s life! He has a plan and a purpose for him! As I started to doze off, every time I closed my eyes a picture of my limp child was seared into my head. (I am a very visual person. I guard closely what I let my eyes see for that reason.) All night long I had nightmares of what had happened. Every time I closed my eyes I saw him. Every time I opened them in tears. Lord help, I need some sleep!
I woke up to a sweet precious voice say, ”Mama I want pancakes for breakfast!” I wasn’t sure if I would hear that sweet voice anytime soon, it brought me to tears. That sweet little boy ate his pancakes then had to get his blood drawn. The next thing was an x-ray, there was fluid in his lungs and the doctor was worried that it would turn into pneumonia. So I told the people who were covering us in their prayers to be praying that the water would be gone in Jesus name! My family (my mother, sisters, and my mother-in-law) were helping in any way they could. Between helping with the kids at home or helping at the hospital to give me a break to go home and breath. I am so thankful for the family God has given me!
After the second day in the hospital, the x rays came back with the fluid slowly draining from his lungs. He was becoming more like himself, in spurts. He was definitely stir crazy. Trying to keep a 4-year-old in a hospital bed was a little impossible, he wanted to do somersaults on the floor in the hospital. So Mimi (Mother in law) decked him out in all the gear and took him for a wagon ride. She was full of great ideas! While she was at the hospital that day with my hubby I was able to run home, shower, feed my baby and drop off more milk for her before going back to the hospital.
Time and time again I am reminded of the power of prayer! Never stop praying friends, if you are leaning in for your miracle keep praying. I was able to share with some key people in my life and asked them to put us on any prayer chain they had connections with. We have to be the ones to reach out for prayer. Invite those who are praying into our storm of life and pray with us.
Prayer is powerful!
All the glory be to God, the healer and miracle-worker!
I have learned from past experiences that God can use you in any circumstances if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone.
It wasn’t until getting back to the hospital with my husband that I discovered there were three other moms from my MOPs (Mothers of preschoolers) community on the same floor as me at the Children’s Hospital. Crazy right? Being new to MOPs (https://www.mops.org/ ) I didn’t know everyone, also being new to the community I wasn’t that outgoing in meeting everyone! I messaged one of the moms who I did know and asked her if she wanted to meet at the coffee shop in the hospital just one floor down from us. She did, we met, drank coffee, didn’t sit close together, but we did cry together as we told each other the story of our current situation. We prayed over each other and we walked back to our sick children's rooms with a little more courage!
Before heading up to my room I went back and got a couple coffee gift cards. My plan was to figure out what rooms the other moms were in and give them a gift card to go slip away and get coffee… Refuel. After heading back up to the PICU I ran into our children’s pastor from Lifegate Church who was there to pray over the kids and the moms who were in the hospital from our church! As she prayed over Peyton and me a little bit more courage was poured into me. She then said that her daughter didn’t understand why this bad thing was happening to us. So many times we feel the need to know why? I find comfort in knowing that we don’t have to understand why something is happening to us. We just get to have faith that God will turn it for good for those who love him!
I will remain Faithful in the storm. He is always faithful in the storm so I will keep my eyes fixed on him no matter what storms life brings my way!
Knowing this, In the middle of my storm, I looked around me to see who else I could pour courage into. I found out one of those MOPs moms was only a few doors down from our room. (God you are so awesome how you knit things together) She was in a similar situation, I was unable to go into the room so I found another way! I wrote a little note and stuck it onto the coffee card. I added my phone number.
Y’all thinking back to this she was the first person I gave my phone number to… I am one of 11 children and I believed that I was content with just having my siblings as my friends and I had no desire to make friends. So this is the first time I gave my number out to say, “Hey! Let’s be friends, or if you need me I’m here.” I handed the card and sticky note to the nurse who was about to walk into her room and said, “Will you please give this to the mom in there and tell her it’s from a mom from MOPs!” I debated on even giving the sticky note to her because it was so out of my comfort zone, but I’m so thankful I did. To this day that friendship with her is a very sweet refreshing friendship. She has been there in the highs and the lows of my life. I’m so thankful I listened to the Holy Spirit's nudge, stepping out of my comfort zone to give that little encouragement to that mom!
Has the Holy Spirit nudged you to say something encouraging to somebody but you shy away from it, out of fear of what that person might think? Next time, yield to the Spirit leading and say what he wants you to say. “We only say what we hear our father say”
So I sidetracked from Peyton's story to share about the courage fill-ups while I was in the hospital with him. Peyton’s scans all came back clear! The water in his lungs was gone! The doctors couldn't explain it. Praise the Lord, All the glory be to God.
We had to stay an extra night totaling 4 nights in the hospital only days before Christmas. He was finally discharged from the hospital, and he walked out. My mother-in-law was so observant. She pointed out to Kyle and me that the day that Peyton was discharged from the hospital was the same date he was discharged from the hospital in San Diego back in 2014. That’s the first test that started his testimony. We all have a testimony and we all go through tests and storms that compile our testimony. God deserves all the glory for what happened, the healings, miracles, signs, and wonders of Peyton’s life. As he entered the storm he was on a stretcher when he came out of the storm he was walking tall!
sweet testimony. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAmazing testimony! God is so good. Thanks for sharing!
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